An open letter to Michael O Leary

Dear Mr O'Leary

I have noted with some satisfaction that you have implemented my recommendations regarding your airline. The cookie and the cattle prod method has worked wonderfully on the staff and congratulations are in order.
Yesterday, flying from Gatwick to Cork, the personable young lady checking us in was pleasant, friendly, and even wished us a merry Christmas. I was so shocked I nearly dropped my "I went to london and all I got was this lousy bag" bag, and quite forgot to respond with a hearty "And a happy new year to you". I do apologise to the girl in question, and wish her and hers the very best this holiday season. It was amazing. Ryanair staff, polite, cheerful and even going so far as to wish some one a Merry Christmas. If it weren't for the plate of cookies on the desk, I would hav suspected a visit from the three ghosts of Christmas. The other evidence of my recommendations being taken to heart was the surly looking guy down the end, who looked like he'd gotten the end of a cattle prod once too often.
On boarding the plane (which for the first time in my experience went pretty smoothly), the staff were again friendly and helpful. I even witnessed one hostess helping an old lady get her bag in the overhead locker, and smiling while doing so.
I have to say that your following my recommendations has been more successful than even I had hoped, and can now go so far as to say that I enjoyed my flight with Ryanair, and the staff from Gatwick to Cork have been providing an excellent service.
With this in mind, I would like to arrange a meeting to discuss my consultancy fees, which as you can appreciate are not small, but with the value added to your airline, are indeed worth it.

Regards

Gerry Gainford
Consultant Service Additude Readjuster for Airline Personel

Changing the world

After my stern glance in the direction of the United States, Condoleezza Rice has apoligised, and admitted that "We recognise that any policy will sometimes result in errors... When this happens we will do everything we can to rectify it." Full story here

So the power of this blog it seems knows no bounds. In other news, after my posts, Ryanair is to have a huge shift in their business process. Airline staff are to be retrained, to be polite and helpful. It is believed this will be done with the use of a cattle prod, and a tray of double choc chip cookies. The list looks something like this.

Cattle Prod
Rude, unhelful bitch
Useless bastards
Bastard, bastard, bastard

Cookies
Helpful and polite lady
Quality service
Actually dont mind flying with them

So now that I have got the states to back down, and Ryanair to quit shitting on people, what next?
Well, next week I think I'll solve world hunger. And the week after, since it is Christmas, it will be time for peace on earth and good will to mankind.

Yes its fuckin' political

I don’t usually want to go political here, but the statement from Condoleezza Rice, the US secretary of state yesterday on the CIA's secret prisons just needs a reply. The policy of rendition, taking prisoners to somewhere where they can be questioned without having to give them the rights they would have in the US. Sounds a lot like a nightclub I used to frequent where occasionally the bouncers would take patrons out to the road and beat seven shades of shit out of them. There was no violence happening on the premises.

And we should be grateful, since information gathered by the CIA had "prevented terrorist attacks in Europe ... and other countries". And they did stop all those weapons of mass destruction from being launched against us from Iraq. Oh, they didnt exist either. But they're stopping people from being tortured in Iraq by an evil dictator. now its nice and clean, they're taken to another country to be tortured. Very nice and clean. And Uncle Sam protects the rights of everyone in any country they invade. No torture here. But there is torture in these other countries, admittedly by the CIA, but perhaps they can invade there too. Save the victims. Bring Freedom and Justice to All. Go Team America, Go.

Is it just me, or will terrorist attacks launched now against the states, now smack more of Freedom Fighters. Against a corrupt regime, kidnapping people from their homes and bringing them to secret prisons without trials to be held indefinitely?

With the CIA landing in Shannon, with "cargo", Ireland hasn't remained neutral, we picked sides. We may just be on the wrong side. The evil emperor Darth George W and his host of Sith lords, the CIA may be running the Federation, and Ireland may just be a small planet at the edge of their Galaxy.

Perhaps its time to join the rebel alliance and wait for a Jedi to appear.

(Admission to Plagerism, I picked the story from an article in yesterdays Guardian)